just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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