I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
