Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize