Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
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