ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
