she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
