his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
This is the high leading the old right now
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
pray to the hookup gods
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
All I want is dick and wine.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
