It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
