I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
