Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
