just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
