Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
false alarm. still invincible.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
