that's an acceptable place to lick
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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