she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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