so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
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