Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Randomize
