I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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