i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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