and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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