we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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