you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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