It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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