I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
