They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
