You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
