dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
