Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
