Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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