3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
