She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Sponge bath it is.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
