Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
