I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
