peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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