No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
