I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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