If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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