TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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