the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
COCAINE IS GR8
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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