trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize