Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
