I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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