he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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