My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
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