I love black thongs
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Randomize
