I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
