i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
