He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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