we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
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he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
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I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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