I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
