come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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