I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Actions speak louder than pants.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
