I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
