We named our party play list daddy issues
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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