I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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