I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
