i think i have herpe
just one?
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Randomize
