We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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