Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
