In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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