pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
