Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
