I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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