I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
