My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
