i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
