The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
