she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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