i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
