I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
