My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
