Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
