Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
