dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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