I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Randomize
