I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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