He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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