woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
