pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
