So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
