well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I did not marry a roomba.
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